Step on You Crazy Devil

HI THERE. I’M STILL ACKNOWLEDGING THE LACK OF UPDATES TO THIS BLOG, AND THAT MAKES IT STILL OKAY.

This entry concerns the Rock ‘N’ Roll Stepper. For the last time.

As of a week or two ago, I can’t remember, the Tony Little Rock ‘N’ Roll Stepper has left the house, never to be seen again.

It’s mostly a result of my mother’s strange way of thinking (if you can call it that). In fact, the entire chapter of my life dedicated to Tony Little’s Rock ‘N’ Roll Stepper probably results from nothing but my mother’s strange thinking patterns. It was her strange patterns of thought that prompted her to buy the Rock ‘N’ Roll Stepper in the first place. Later, one of the rubber thingies on the Stepper that kept the pedals at equal height and added resistance when one of them was depressed broke, thus lowering the contraption’s status from Useless to, somehow, Half Below Useless.

My mom’s thought patterns kicked in again, as, rather than doing the sensible thing and saying goodbye to the Stepper, she simply cut off the OTHER rubber piece, effectively turning the Stepper’s status to Fully Below Useless. Then she kept it for months after that, though granted, her keeping the Stepper at that point probably had less to do with her fooling herself into thinking it still worked, and more to do with her keeping it a corner of the house and forgetting about it, just like she tends to do with just about all of her exercise machines.

Fast forward several months. Suddenly, mom has a burst of rational thought. During this burst, she recognizes that the stepper is doing nothing except taking up space and gathering dust. She finally realizes that it is time to part with it. She loaded it in the car…

…and gave it to the thrift store so someone else could buy it…

So maybe she hadn’t gone COMPLETELY sane yet, but hey, she got rid of the Rock ‘N’ Roll stepper, and that’s what counts.

It’s kind of odd. The stepper was always a nuisance to me, especially when I was tripping over the dang thing, but it was an amusing nuisance. The sight of it brought back happy memories of seeing it for the first time, and the mixed feelings of surprise, disgust, and hilarity it brought on then. It brought back the fun memories of reading the manual and watching the DVDs, and laughing at them. It brought back the fond memory of WHEN I ACTUALLY UPDATED THIS THING.

And oddly enough, despite all of the hate I’ve expressed for the Stepper, and despite the joy I experienced when I learned that my mom was getting rid of it, reflecting on the fact that I will never see it again makes me a bit, well, sad. So I wrote a song about it.

And by “wrote a song about it”, I mean, “took a song by The Who and substituted some of the words in it so that it sounds like it’s about the Stepper”. Here it is:

The Stepper’s over
It’s all behind me
There’s no more manual
And no more DVD’s

The Stepper’s over
But I remember
When it was brought here
I thought it’d never.

I’d Step all day to try to find out its purpose
I’d Step with guidance from its two DVD’s
I’d Step for hours, but it never did nothing.
I’d Step for hours, it never exercised me.

I’d tell my blog about how much I hated it.
I’d tell my blog about how I thought it was lame.
I’d tell them everything but omit just one detail
I didn’t tell them that I wasn’t the same.

And so it sat there, and we all forgot
About that silly little thing we got.
It lost all purpose when we noticed it breaking
Decided it best for someone else to be taking.

And now it’s over
It’s at a thrift store.
I kind of miss it
Can’t laugh at it anymore.

But I still Step in my heart with Tony
I’ll Step forever, only metaphorically
I’ll Step all night, and it’s no euphamism
I’ll Step for the Rock ‘N’ Roll Stepper’s memory.

I’ll tell my blog about mundane things that I do
I’ll do that once more, this time regularly.
I’ll try my best to entertain the internet
That’s what Tony Little would have wanted of me.

The Stepper’s over
But I’ll remember.
The things it’s done for us
Live on forever.

The Stepper’s over
The Stepper’s over

So yeah. There’s that. Keeping true to my promise, I’ve already got an entry planned for next week, which is more than I could have said for the past several months. Whoo! Empty promises!

~ by krakenzilla on July 4, 2009.