Clever title about vampires or something

Today’s entry concerns little girls, vampires, and why I’m sick of them both.

There’s a weird thing going on with American media, I think. It’s sort of a reverse of the way things are supposed to be – things that aren’t scary are now being portrayed as scary, and things that were supposed to be scary are now no longer objects of scariness.

First off, the thing that used to be not scary that is now supposed to make us wet ourselves on sight: little girls. Specifically, little girls with white skin, white dresses, and long black hair. I’m talking about the one in the Grudge series, I’m talking about the one in the Ring series, I’m talking about every single one that has been in every single horror movie and video game lately.

What is it that makes little girls so dang scary all of a sudden? Sure, they USED to be creepy when they were new and used properly, but now that every horror movie ever is slapping them in there, they’re losing their charm. What’s next for the horror genre? Are we going to start being expected to cower at the sight of flowers and butterflies?

Now, the OTHER side of the coin is that something that used to be scary is no longer viewed that way, and that something is, of course, vampires. Vampires are people with sharp teeth that feast on other people’s blood, basically. That’s a pretty creepy idea. Creepier than little girls, anyway. Yet, somehow, Vampires are becoming the latest fad in sexiness instead.

Far as I know, the start of this fad was the Twilight series, in which author Stephanie Meyer told the story of Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen is a vampire, except by “vampire” I mean he has superpowers and eats lots of meat. Because Stephanie Meyer does a good job of convincing teenage girls of how great Edward is (read: she reminds them a lot), every teenage girl in America is now in love with Edward Cullen.

Naturally, just as sharks become attracted to the violent thrashes of bleeding fish, the media took notice of the thousands of teenage girls getting excited over vampires. I probably don’t need to tell you what the result is. Vampires have a new image. They’re not scary creatures that haunt the night. Now they’re just pretty, angsty teenagers with superpowers that don’t particularly care for sunlight.

There’s no DOWNSIDE to being a vampire anymore. It doesn’t make you ugly, it doesn’t give you aversion to garlic, it doesn’t prevent you from seeing yourself in the mirror, it doesn’t even make you want to drink people’s blood, or if it does, it’s always easily controlled, or there are always ways to get the blood fix without murdering innocent young girls in an alley. Vampires can quite easily blend in with society now.

It just bothers me that vampires are becoming a girly thing now. Especially because vampires used to PREY on young girls, and now young girls and vampires are the best of friends. What’s next? Is every 14-year-old girl named Ashley going to fall in love with Igor? There we go, the assistant to Dr. Frankenstein has conveniently lost his hunchback and transformed into Zac Efron, and now must escape his mad scientist life to be with the girl of his dreams. When that happens, I want you to go out and tell everybody you know that I called it.

I’ll be too busy hanging myself.

~ by krakenzilla on June 5, 2009.