This is sewius

Today’s entry concerns Wonder Pets, moose, musicals, and putting them into the real world.

Sorry if I let anyone down by not updating last week. I was really working on it. To make up for it, this week you’ll get TWO updates.

Yaaaaay!

This morning I was bored watching TV. There is never anything on at eight in the morning on a weekday. Usually around this time Nickolodeon would be showing SpongeBob (episodes from back when it was good), but for some reason they didn’t show it today. Instead they were showing Wonder Pets! That exclamation point is part of the title, by the way. I guess it just wasn’t enough of a cheery show already without it.

Anyway, from what I could gather, the premise is that the Wonder Pets! consist of a Guinea Pig (Linny), Turtle (Tuck), and Duck (Ming-Ming), all of them classroom pets for a kidnergarten classroom. After the class has gone they leap from their tanks and answer a “call” on their “phone”, which is a weird rusty can with a wire or something attached.

The call always tells them of the current situation they must resolve, and the situation is usually some baby (and just so you know, in this show, as well as in the vocabulary of anyone stupid, any distinctly young animal is automatically a “baby”) animal is in mortal danger for whatever reason. Apparently their phone has a psychic uplink to any distressed animal. With that, the Wonder Pets leap into action by assembling their flying boat made out of random classroom objects. For some reason they never quite seem to get it down after 36 episodes, because there’s always something that they must do to get all the proper pieces of their flying boat thing. Once it’s all gathered, though, they fly off singing their theme song:

Linny, Tuck, and Ming-Ming, too!
We’re Wonder Pets and we’ll help you!
What’s gonna work?
Teeeam work!
What’s gonna work?
TEAAAAA–

Sorry. It’s catchy.

The Wonder Pets arrive at their destination and rescue the baby animal using the same technique they used to find the supplies to their flying boat earlier. Then the single parent of the rescued animal arrives just as its child has escaped mortal danger, and puts on a show of thanking for the Wonder Pets while secretly fuming about the failure of their scheme to end child support payments. All of the Wonder Pets celebrate their victory by cheerily eating celery, then cheerily entering their cheerful little flying boat while singing their cheery, cheery song again, having effectively taught cheery little children the cheery little lesson of how team work and loads of cheeriness can solve any problem, at all, ever, just like they have taught them every morning invariably. You’d think they’d try to teach some other lesson along the way at some point, but it doesn’t look like it.

There is a point to all of this, really. The one thing I neglected to mention about the show is that the Wonder Pets are singing constantly. I do not mean they sometimes sing little jingles about the important things they do. I mean almost every bit of dialogue is sung and rhymed. There is an orchestra that is playing in the background CONSTANTLY throughout the entire adventure. Music Man, eat your heart out! THESE guys are singing EVERY LINE!

Now, wouldn’t it be awesome if real life was like that? That every person was born with the automatic ability to improvise singing, dancing, and music that everyone automatically knew how to flawlessly go around with it? You know how in musicals people can just start singing, the band starts up in the background, and before you know it everyone’s joining in on the chorus while prancing about everywhere with brilliant choreography? I want that to happen in real life! In this society, people who suddenly leap into song about mundane things while prancing around the street are regarded as psychotic and to be avoided. The only chance you’d have at getting anyone to join in song with you would be if you were singing an already-made popular song. Even then, it’s highly unlikely you could get the whole block to join in, and it’s even more unlikely that there will just happen to be a nearby band playing the background music.

How do we solve this? There was a scene in The Music Man where the barbershop quartet is walking down the street doing their usual barbershop quartet thing, and as they pass by some woman they suddenly start singing a greeting to her, just like that!

This is my idea, then, to make that happen in real life: If you’re in a barbershop quartet, start making up songs to sing about mundane things just in case one of said mundane things happens. Make up a song about how sorry you are that some person tripped just in case somebody near you trips while you’re in the group, for instance. Eventually you’ll have a barbershop quartet that can travel around singing about EVERYTHING going on!

That would be so freakin’ AWESOME!

Uh, nevermind…

You know what was weird about that episode of Wonder Pets I saw? They enlisted the help of a friendly moose to help save some young birds. I am worried that this will send children the wrong message about moose as a species, because in reality moose are huge, mean, and extremely dangerous. The last thing I want is for some small child to be out in the woods with his or her family, see a moose, and run up to it to give it a hug while it shifts into Kill Mode. Yes, moose are so evil that they operate in Modes. They also all come from Turkey. So, if you happen to have a young child, please be sure to teach them the dangers of moose.

There! With one paragraph I have given this post meaning. Time to close for today. Have a good day, and remember that bird nests do not belong in large antlers.

~ by krakenzilla on July 7, 2008.